gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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