this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
