so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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