i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
