Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
