apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
