I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
