were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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