I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
