You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh god it's open bar.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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