I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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