there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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