you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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