I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
