As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
