i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
