alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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