my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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