I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
try to milk me bitch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
