Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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