So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
pray to the hookup gods
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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