Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
