"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He better not be in your backpack
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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