I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
