Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
