Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
