Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I intend to get homeless drunk
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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