I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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