if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize