You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
