Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
