"it" just moved
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
