my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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