I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
