a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
