Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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