he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
