Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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