Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
