you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
