That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
