That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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