I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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