god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
