Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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