If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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