College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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