Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Your dad touched me again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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