I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am mentally ready for anal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
