good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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