onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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