i jhust puked up my retainher.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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