I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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