Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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