he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
