Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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