There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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