Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
