My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
