i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
