you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
