possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
