She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
