I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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