Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
