1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
