I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
