I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
