I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
