we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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