I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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