I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
