There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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