yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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