I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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