she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
