when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
