the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
