Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
