Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
