when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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