you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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