lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
