you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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