And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
