Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
