All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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