My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
