That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
