Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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