10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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