sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
